In the following unpublished email, recovered from the internal archives of ASFA (Association for Searching and Finding A1), Nilima writes to Lata. This letter, sent from the Himalayan town of Munsyari, is not a technical briefing nor a scientific update. It is something far more human: a confession, a lament, and a love letter to the road. It captures the weariness of an endless search, the guilt of a life lived on the move, and the quiet hope that the impossible might still be waiting just beyond the next mountain.
Manoj K.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Getting close
Hello Lata,
Hope this email finds you well. It feels like just yesterday we were with Prime Minister Sarkar, and you were explaining to him all about Zero Dimensional Space. I remember that was the first time I had met you, and I was so snooty towards you. I still feel bad for that. Next time I meet you, I’ll take you out to dinner to make up for my rudeness. 🙂
I know, it has been a long time since I wrote to you. I know, I promised to write often, but after a long day of traveling and coming up with nothing, it really breaks the spirit. On such days, all I feel like doing is pouring myself some rum and, when I am sufficiently drunk, going off to sleep snoring. This endless search has also had an impact on my family. Hmmm.. ‘My family’, those words seem almost alien now as I write them down. Lata, I have strayed so far away from Aryan and Mimi in the last year that I hardly call them. I know Aryan is a fantastic father and husband; he takes care of Mimi and never once complains about me not being there. He has never once told me that I must call more often or that I need to spend more time with Mimi. All he ever says is “you do what you must!”.
Until a few years ago, I thought I knew what I wanted from life. I wanted to have a successful career, make money, have a loving husband, and be a mother. That is all that I ever dreamed about. Perhaps that is all I was ever taught. Media, books, stories, movies, and TV, everywhere it’s always the same, women are portrayed as mothers, sisters, and lovers. I feel so guilty about doing this, but ever since I started on this journey, I’ve come to the realization that there is an eternal traveler within. Most evenings, as I sit by a warm, cozy fire here in the mountains, I often wonder if I were a traveler on the Silk Road, ceaselessly traveling in a caravan for years from one city to another through the endless wilderness. I must have loved it so much in my previous lives that it imprinted onto me as a tattoo so permanent that it appears in my thoughts in every birth.
I know I am hurting Aryan and Mimi. But what can I do? I just don’t find that old love, that motherly, that yearning within for a family life. A lot of my colleagues in ASFA (Association for Searching and Finding A1) tell me they miss their families. I, on the other hand, see myself wishing otherwise, that I continue wandering on and on for the rest of my life. Secretly, I sometimes wish we never find A1, because if we did, we would have to disband ASFA and return to our everyday lives.
Lata, I am bad bad human being for doing this to them, Aryan and Mimi. And yet, I cannot bring myself to being that old Nilima again. This fire within burns me up, day and night. The explorer, the wanderer, the nomad, in me holds me and shakes me and tells me to walk that lonely road, to go over another mountain, to cross another ocean, to watch the sunrise from a new land everyday, to sleep in yet another strange bed, but duty, my responsibility to my child and my husband pulls in the other direction. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that I feel I am torn apart into pieces.
Sorry for offloading all that onto you. In all the misery that I was spewing, I forgot to ask you how you were, so here it goes. Lata, how are you? How is the work on the Meditation Core coming along? Have you finally solved the shielding and vibration issue? Also, did you find anyone for yourself? What was that app that you were telling me about? Dinder or Cinder? Did you meet anyone nice? I am waiting to hear all about the latest happenings in your life. Write back soon, will you?
By the way, I completely forgot the reason I am writing this email. I arrived in Munsyari last night. I am resting today, and then I am off on a trek on the route that goes to Nanda Devi and Milam Glacier. I received a tip, call it a divine one, haha. I will tell you the details in person when we meet in Mumbai. All I can say for now is that I am fairly certain that I may find A1 somewhere in one of the villages on this route. I don’t know how many days it will take on this trek, but I am determined to find A1. I have been shopping for food and supplies for the trek all day today. Come tomorrow morning, I will leave Munsyari and head into the wilderness. I am all packed and ready to go. I am very hopeful for this time, but you also know how many times I have ended up on wild goose chases. It is not that I haven’t met people who are realized, but you know almost all of them were, at best, Level 2 entities. I dream of the day when I actually find a Level 1 being. A1, being more elusive than the Yeti, Bigfoot, or the Loch Ness monster, I have a weird fantasy that when I find A1, I will discover that they have superpowers like those superheroes in children’s comic books. Hahaha. I know it’s stupid, but no harm in letting your imagination run amok when you’re traveling on an endless road!
Take care of yourself, my friend.
Lots of love,
Nilima
Zero Dimensional Space – Book 1 will be available on Amazon in August! Discover the full story behind Nilima’s adventures, Lata’s groundbreaking discovery, and the secrets of A1.
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